I'm BAAAAAACK

       It's been a minute since I've gotten on this thing.  I really enjoyed writing all my problems out, and I didn't want to let my six followers down by just completely quitting.  Anal Adam always asked how I passed 1st grade English after reading my posts, so he's part of the reason I've let y'all all down.  There have been quite a few things that have happened in the past six years.
     So I started nursing school, and it didn't take very long to hate that decision and everyone who took part in suggesting and encouraging me to do it.   People dropped out of it the first day.  I had one guy ask me if I was going to do the mandatory homework assignment of reading 4 chapters and answering the 78 questions after each chapter.  He dropped out 4 days later, but only because it took him 3 days figure out how to drop it.  I called the 1950s Supermom, who is a nurse, and let her have it.  Why doesn't anyone tell those thinking of going to nursing school to turn back because it's Hell on Earth??  I truly believe Dante would have put it as one of his Inferno's of Hell had it been around during those days.
     Moving on.  After second semester, where I passed by the skin on my teeth, I found out I was pregnant.  Nope we weren't trying.  We were going to do in vitro when I graduated a year later.  I go into 3rd semester of nursing school which is supposedly the hardest 60lbs heavier with child.  Ironically, third semester is when nursing school teaches you about Family Health/Babies/The Birthing Process.  I was 16 months pregnant having to watch a birthing video of women who refused modern medicine to have their baby naturally.  I started crying when those women were screaming and moaning during what seemed to be weeks of labor, and they finally pushed those babies out of what once was a vagina.  If that wasn't traumatic enough, I found out I had gestational diabetes while we were learning about gestational diabetes.  Most of those lectures were your basic doomsday worst case scenario "if you have gestational diabetes you and the baby will probably die".  By the grace of God, Baby Girl and I passed 3rd semester without dying from a heart attack.
     I sat out 4th semester to be with Baby Girl.  Another thing people fail to mention about life stuff is the newborn stage.  I'm actually thankful for this stage because I met my psychiatrist who I'll call Phil, realized I will NOT be a stay at home mother, and found the true meaning of sleep deprivation.  I love Baby Girl with all my heart and soul, but I counted the seconds down until I got to go back to nursing school.
     4th semester of nursing school is super fast, especially when you get pregnant again and you have a 7 month old.  The phone call to Anal Adam was a bit different with Baby Boy than it was with Baby Girl.  There were a lot of "nos", "how", and "it's not funny anymore".  Did he think I wanted to be pregnant starting school with a new baby?  We had just got through high fiving each other on keeping Baby girl alive for 7 whole months.  I love how people try to point blame in the whole pregnancy thing.  We both know how it happens, we were both there willingly during the process,  now shut up and enjoy this happy blessing we have together, again.
     I somehow graduated nursing school, somehow passed the NCLEX, and somehow started working on a pediatric med/surg floor. I was a 7 months pregnant new nurse.  I found out I had gestational diabetes which I assumed was probably just a continuation from my previous not too long ago pregnancy.  My poor preceptors.  Floor nursing is rough.  It's rewarding and amazing, but it's some of the hardest work I've ever done.  I was the worst orientee the hospital had ever seen.  I had no idea I was supposed to follow my preceptor everywhere she went, but somehow I'm the only orientee that didn't know that.  It took me an hour to get from the nurses station to my patient's room due to my massive weight gain that was completely looked down upon by my OB.  After an extended orientation period requested by my coworkers, I finally made it out.  Two days later I went on maternity leave.
     After 8 week shots, Baby Boy was in the daycare and I was back at work.  It was awful.  They had to reorient me yet again.  The nurse educator, who is an angel on Earth, gave me the "help me help you" talk.  I consulted Phil, and he decided to test me for ADHD.  Somehow I "passed"the test, and I'm quite sure I'm the only person who's ever "passed" that test.  Phil and 1950s Supermom gave me some helpful tools to try, like take your medicine and do better than you're doing now.  Thank Heavens I finally went from the worst nurse in history to "getting it".
     I finally got a very small handle on my floor nursing skills, when I was recruited to PACU.  I had no idea what it was, and I sure didn't know it was in the same building where I worked.  I wasn't seeing my small angels for 5 days in a row, and this girl told me a schedule where I could see them every day.  I googled PACU, went on the interview, and got the job.
     It took a while and several visits to the "principal's" office, but I finally kind of figured out what I was doing.  I'm a pediatric recovery nurse.  I'm basically amazing.  I work with the most amazing people and I see some of the most amazing things.  I'm PRN at 2 places and I'm making it rain.  Anal Adam says that I am far from a cash cow, but he's an idiot.
     Like I said, a lot has happened in the past six years.  Even though I've added a lot of grown up responsibilities to my plate, I'm still the same ridiculous hot mess I've always been but with offspring.  Baby Girl and Baby Boy are a lot like me, and they're fabulous!!  Anal Adam always says "less McMurray more Masley".  I always say "you signed up for this ride now sit back and enjoy it!"