You Think You've Got Problems?

I have had what one would call a hell of a time in almost every thing I have tried to do.  I worked so hard at trying to do things right, but unfortunately I have terrible luck and I'm a huge clutz (it causes lots of problems).  Last year was a doozy for this girl.  I was laid off by 3 jobs last year.  How is that even possible?  I was diagnosed with "unexplained infertility" which I felt was just plain lazy.  The doctor put me on Femara, and I looked like I could have been a linebacker for the Saints because of the amount of weight I gained.  Not to mention the acne, and the weird color my skin turned.  My middle child/dog died while I was at my Godson's 3rd birthday in another city.  I definitely did the "why me" cry which really doesn't do anything for anyone.  I soon after found out I have cysts in my eyes after a routine eye check up, and I had to see a very expensive retina specialist where I was the youngest person there by 50 years.  I had to test my eyes on a grid every morning, and I have to go to this damn specialist every 6 months to a year from now on.  I mean I didn't even know there was such a thing as a retina specialist.  Needless to say I said goodbye to last year in a fabulous dress, and hello to this year with high hopes.

I decided that since I couldn't keep a stupid job I should try nursing.  I've always wanted to be a healthcare professional, but I thought I missed my chance in life.  I enrolled to take my prerequisites which were the 8 week track of Human A&P I and II with lab and Sociology.  Of course I was scared about going back to school and studying.  I didn't even study my first time in college.  The first part of the 8 week A&P course I had a 102 average, and I had a 95 average in Sociology.  In addition to being a genius, I was playing tennis and exercising, eating right, and losing weight.  It was fabulous!  I, however, got cocky while basking in my greatness and ended up having a huge cooking accident.  I was making gourmet Ramen noodles, and I may have put too much water in the pot which ended up boiling over.  Instead of doing the intelligent thing like turning the stove off, I picked the pot up and got boiling hot water on over 20% of my upper body.  I had to have surgery and wear pig skin on my chest and cadaver skin on my arms.  I wore a mummy suit and received sponge baths from my mom and my sister.  While being sexy and burnt up, I was prescribed to an antibiotic which caused me to have depression for 3 days.  The nurse practitioner didn't believe my symptoms or what I was saying and blamed it on the trauma of my burn.  Every time I would take that pill I would start wailing crying wondering what my meaning of life was, and this woman tried to tell me that it was in my head. I finished out A&P I, and decided I was going to be a nurse practitioner no matter what because as soon as I get my license I'm going after that woman at the burn center.

Now I'm steadily healing and I'm in A&P II.  I just learned about the endocrine system, and I thought a lot of the symptoms about the thyroid especially hypothyroidism seemed very familiar.  I called my infertility specialist, and I asked what my thyroid levels were because I needed to see an endocrinologist.  Come to find out, I'd never had my thyroid checked.  I'd asked my nurse to check my thyroid for years, and she said I was fine like I wanted to take the test for shits and giggles.  Of course I had hypothyroidism, and of course I found out while I was waiting on my check-up at the burn specialist.  While I was scheduling my endocrinologist appointment my retina specialist called to schedule my retina check-up.  Anal Adam has been great through all of this, though.  He's always caring about my insurance and how I'm going to pay for it, you know the important stuff.  I remind him that I'm fine, and I should be okay.  To his defense, I do have a specialist for almost every organ in my body.  He recently signed me up for life insurance, and it took 45 minutes to go through 10 questions.  We had to stop on IBS and other stomach problems (I had gastritis in college), anxiety issues (which was like an entire medical write up), thyroid problems (recently diagnosed with hypothyroidism), vision problems (cysts in my eyes), recent and past surgeries, endometriosis, fertility issues (is that necessary?), urinary problems (cyst removal on my urethra where I had to wear a catheter for 2 damn weeks), and the burn stuff not including the diagnoses and the doctors who treated me for each problem.  Stephen just sat there rubbing his head like he was the one with the problems.  I was like, "Are you okay, pumpkin?"  Poor thing, it's got to be hard on him having a wife with all these illnesses and specialists.  I honestly don't know how he does it.  I bet he put DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) on my form.

I'm almost done with my prerequisites, and I start nursing in the Fall.  I don't know what the hell I'm thinking, but each time I go to the doctor I get motivated to keep in school because I've had it with the people trying to help me.  Another motivating factor is that I'm on Anal Adams tab, and he clearly doesn't understand the necessity and importance of clothes, shoes, and/or purses.  Although I've had all these life experiences occur, I really have gotten stronger.  Pissed, but stronger.  We need help in our healthcare in MS, and I've decided it's me who is going to be the one to help change it.  I'm going to be like the healthcare superhero one day that hopefully makes tons of money, but until then I'll be at my house or school studying in my out of style clothes.