I'm 29 and I Can Bitch If I Want To

So I've been trying to sit down and write this particular post for a while. I'm just going to warn you, this might seem like I'm venting but it's really just me telling you like it is. Actually I can't lie, it's both.

Let's start at the beginning, and then you'll see where I'm coming from when I end at 29. The beginning of your 20's are awesome to say the least. You are carefree, wrinkle free, and cellulite free. Notice how everything ends in free. A hard day for me would be trying to figure out how I was going fit in a 2 hour workout, make it to the tanning bed, and get ready in less than 3 hours in time to go out at 10 PM. The following are some of the lengths I would go to to get ready. After applying mascara, I would separate each eyelash with a straight pin. The makeup had to be perfect or it would be reapplied. I only wore short skirts and dresses. The weren't skanky, but they were absurd to wear during the winter when I continued to wear them. Also, I would do sit-ups right before I went out.

My friends and I were called the "Wolf Pack", but we didn't know that. We thought we were called the "A Team". We all did the above getting ready routine, except for the eyelash thing and the sit-ups (I was the only one willing to go the extra mile). We thought we were the shit and that everybody liked us. The reality was that we looked stupid wearing dresses in 10 degree weather, and most people didn't like us. That didn't matter to us, though, because we loved having fun and everything we did was fun. Everybody in their early 20's travel in packs 0f 12 friends, minimun. If you see an early 20 year old alone, they have clearly been separated by accident from their pack.

I would rather pull out all my eyelashes than talk to and/or be a round an early 20 year old. Their skin looks like a baby's bottom, and they are the size of a toothpick with boobs. They probably think cellulite is some type of vegetable. I will say that the things some of them are wearing these days would have made me look like an old maid. Stop wearing spandex as a dress and please cover your tutu. Other than that, I don't want to hang around them because I'm just jealous. They're in their prime, and they suck.

Mid 20's is really fun but in a different way. You have a new job, you're in the business world, and you're meeting older interesting people that talk about things other than getting drunk. My mid 20's were bitter sweet. I was young in the business world, and business people were extra nice to me. I now know why these business people were being so nice. They were waiting until they had me where they wanted me turn me into their bitch slave. It's like the Hansel and Gretal story about the witch luring them into the ginger bread house. I'm Gretal because she was the girl and the ginger bread house is the job market. The nice business people were the witches that were going to be eating me alive in the ginger bread house.

S0 I'm the new young inexperienced moron in the job world on one hand and on the other hand I was old compared to those stupid college students when I went to home football games. That's when I REALLY hated people in their early 20's. The great thing I started to figure out in my mid 20's was a sense of grounding. I started to realize what I wanted in different aspects of my life. I met Anal Adam, many new great friends, and focused on my career path. I still acted like an idiot in most of my daily and nightly activities, but I was still just young enough where it was kind of okay, but don't do it again. I'd say that after 25 or 26 "stuff" started to go downhill and fast.

I'm not even going to talk about late 20's because it all mixes in with 29. So I'm 29, cellulite has taken over my body, I have adult acne, and I can't eat if I want to lose weight. Working out doesn't do what it once did to my body. I used to work out and lose weight. Now I work out and have to ice down every joint on my body. I fell the other day while running, and I have no explanation for it. Just tripped and fell on the busiest street in Jackson in front of 5 o'clock traffic. I've spent most of my income on facial products to get rid of this new adult acne. I have wrinkles and probably grey hair (I wouldn't know because I also pay to get my hair colored) due to my highly stressful job. I love my job, but it's my life. I get e-mails asking me if I received an e-mail that was sent right after a phone call that said I would be receiving an e-mail. Not only do I get ma'amed all the time, but I now expect it. I've been hearing the ticking of the infamous "biological clock". I thought that was a lie some woman came up with to get her husband to start having kids. According to people who like to throw out their unwanted opinions, it's hard to have kids at my late 29 age and I should stop doing anything fun if I plan on trying. I, then, look at them and say "Well I guess it wasn't meant to be."

I'm not going to lie, so far 29 has sucked! I'm the oldest of the 20 year olds, and I'm going broke trying to look like I'm still in my 20's. I can't wait to be 30 because I'll be the youngest of the 30's. I feel as though I'll even look younger since I'll be the youngest of an age group. I will say that I love where I am. I've got Anal Adam, 3 dogs, and the best friends who are always up for drinking some wine!