Some things good and bad have come my way, and I've made the extra effort to read about how I can handle them as well as go to an amazing therapist. What I have come to find is that not only do I not have the answers, but neither does anyone else. I'm a hot mess, but so is everyone else. That's the good news. For some reason there are people that, not only, take their life too seriously, but, also, take your life too seriously. I'm a walking apology. I always apologize about what I think other people think I'm doing is wrong. Who gives a shit?? It's you're life, and you're the person in control with what happens to you. I've always lived to please other people, and I can't help that. I will continue to be the pathetic person that wants everyone to like them, but I will also be the goofy comic relief that people will want to talk to when bored at a stupid "we came, thank you for having us" party. Holidays are so fun to me because Anal Adam and I remember that it's just us in this whole marriage thing, and we don't have to put up with anyone else's opinions or bullshit.
1950's Super Mom and I went Christmas shopping not too long ago. She was so excited to have a shopping partner, see me, and vent to me. She should never go shopping with a person that doesn't have kids. I swear, everything out there is so cool, and I want to ask Anal Adam to buy it for me for Christmas. I don't mean to be tacky, but pretty much everything my Godchildren get for Christmas is a result of me. We shopped for kids, ate a grown up lunch, and then shopped again for the kids. We got a big kid basketball goal (me), a hide and seek animal thing (me), and a galloping horse stick (me).Why is shopping for kids so much fun?? I'm pretty sure it's because the buyer (1950's Super Mom) is stupid like her Godsister. Fortunately for me, Dr.DO, 1950's husband, and I are the best of friends. Dr. DO thought our Christmas shopping trip went way overboard, so 1950's Super Mom gave him the "you wanna go there??" stare and he gave her the "haha, I was just kidding" smile and everything went away. Of course everything ended in the women's favor, duh.
I remember when I found out that Santa wasn't real. All I wanted for Christmas was a Baby Shivers. It was the new and improved baby that cried and shivered when it was cold and you weren't doing your job as its mother. Christmas morning I ran downstairs, and Santa had all our stuff laid out on the fire place. I went straight for the Baby Shivers. I couldn't believe he read all those letters/I was such a nerd. I was soooo excited I ripped the box open, and there before me was an African American Baby Shivers. All I could say between sobs and cries was, "Santa doesn't know who I am!!!" My sister quickly realized that Santa wasn't real which meant neither was the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny. That bitch decided to tell me her discovery as well. Needless to say, kid aren't as stupid as you think.
I'm not sure how anyone else found out about Santa, but that sucked. My poor mom cried for days. She should have cried for joy, because that was a pretty brilliant observation on my part. The main thing I want people to take away from this story is that no one realized how smart I was, and now you do.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Anxiety + Panic Attack = Therapy
Recently I had a panic attack at my Global Sales Meeting. Not embarrassing AT ALL. I basically freaked out. I couldn't breathe or talk, I was crying uncontrollably, shaking, and, oh, I couldn't walk. This happened all in front of my whole company. It was awful! I would try to laugh it off, and it ended up turning into that cry laugh. It was definitely a "WTF, is this really happening right now, why me??" moment.
I have terrible anxiety, and I've had it ever since I can remember. I just thought I was weird as hell, and my mom would tell me my heart was racing. You can imagine how confused I was as a child shaking and crying like a freak telling people, "It's ok my heart's just racing,"and grown-ups were trying to send me to the hospital.
The older I got, the more frequent I would have attacks. Of course I always thought it was my heart just racing. My friends started telling me I was thinking about stuff too much. So when I would be crying, shaking, and feeling the sensation to vomit my diagnosis was my was heart racing and I was thinking too much. I was such a cool kid. I had a bowl cut with a perm on top, glasses, criss crossed teeth, and, occasionally, I would freak out like a lunatic scaring all grown-ups and friends. It was like icing on the damn cake. High school got better, but I think it was mostly because I developed boobs. Also, all high school girls are crazy.
I never had that many attacks in college except when I would get a boyfriend. After a while of dating, it was like I couldn't stand to be around them anymore. The thought of them touching me made me nauseated and I would start shaking. Really?? Heart racing and thinking too much my ass! Couldn't I just not like them anymore? It's like I became allergic to my boyfriends after we dated for a certain period of time. My friends in college didn't even try to diagnose me. They just told me how annoying they thought my boyfriends were, and they didn't like them. They did this after every boyfriend, mind you.
I started taking crazy pills during my parents divorce, and I LOVE them. I found out I had anxiety, and, of course, mine came with panic attacks. People, especially my sister, would tell me I need to go to a psychiatrist or a therapist. I would always think that I was completely normal, despite what Anal Adam says, so why would I need to go to a therapist. Plus, I have meds!
After the recent panic attack incident in front of hundreds of people hundreds of miles away, I decided to see a therapist. I absolutely love it! All I do is talk about myself, and he listens the entire 50 minutes. He's my new best friend! I saw a friend of mine the other day, and I whispered to her that I just got through seeing my therapist. She said, "I saw mine yesterday. I mean we're 30!" She's right! Every woman should be seeing a therapist. Women do so much, yet so often we don't take the time to take care of ourselves. We should still do all our many tasks only we can do, but, after we're done, we should go see our therapist at 8, get a facial at 9, massage at 11, and get our hair done at 1 for a girls night out until we decide we want to come home. This should help both men and women come up with stuff for their Christmas gifts and lists!!!
I have terrible anxiety, and I've had it ever since I can remember. I just thought I was weird as hell, and my mom would tell me my heart was racing. You can imagine how confused I was as a child shaking and crying like a freak telling people, "It's ok my heart's just racing,"and grown-ups were trying to send me to the hospital.
The older I got, the more frequent I would have attacks. Of course I always thought it was my heart just racing. My friends started telling me I was thinking about stuff too much. So when I would be crying, shaking, and feeling the sensation to vomit my diagnosis was my was heart racing and I was thinking too much. I was such a cool kid. I had a bowl cut with a perm on top, glasses, criss crossed teeth, and, occasionally, I would freak out like a lunatic scaring all grown-ups and friends. It was like icing on the damn cake. High school got better, but I think it was mostly because I developed boobs. Also, all high school girls are crazy.
I never had that many attacks in college except when I would get a boyfriend. After a while of dating, it was like I couldn't stand to be around them anymore. The thought of them touching me made me nauseated and I would start shaking. Really?? Heart racing and thinking too much my ass! Couldn't I just not like them anymore? It's like I became allergic to my boyfriends after we dated for a certain period of time. My friends in college didn't even try to diagnose me. They just told me how annoying they thought my boyfriends were, and they didn't like them. They did this after every boyfriend, mind you.
I started taking crazy pills during my parents divorce, and I LOVE them. I found out I had anxiety, and, of course, mine came with panic attacks. People, especially my sister, would tell me I need to go to a psychiatrist or a therapist. I would always think that I was completely normal, despite what Anal Adam says, so why would I need to go to a therapist. Plus, I have meds!
After the recent panic attack incident in front of hundreds of people hundreds of miles away, I decided to see a therapist. I absolutely love it! All I do is talk about myself, and he listens the entire 50 minutes. He's my new best friend! I saw a friend of mine the other day, and I whispered to her that I just got through seeing my therapist. She said, "I saw mine yesterday. I mean we're 30!" She's right! Every woman should be seeing a therapist. Women do so much, yet so often we don't take the time to take care of ourselves. We should still do all our many tasks only we can do, but, after we're done, we should go see our therapist at 8, get a facial at 9, massage at 11, and get our hair done at 1 for a girls night out until we decide we want to come home. This should help both men and women come up with stuff for their Christmas gifts and lists!!!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
I'm 29 and I Can Bitch If I Want To
So I've been trying to sit down and write this particular post for a while. I'm just going to warn you, this might seem like I'm venting but it's really just me telling you like it is. Actually I can't lie, it's both.
Let's start at the beginning, and then you'll see where I'm coming from when I end at 29. The beginning of your 20's are awesome to say the least. You are carefree, wrinkle free, and cellulite free. Notice how everything ends in free. A hard day for me would be trying to figure out how I was going fit in a 2 hour workout, make it to the tanning bed, and get ready in less than 3 hours in time to go out at 10 PM. The following are some of the lengths I would go to to get ready. After applying mascara, I would separate each eyelash with a straight pin. The makeup had to be perfect or it would be reapplied. I only wore short skirts and dresses. The weren't skanky, but they were absurd to wear during the winter when I continued to wear them. Also, I would do sit-ups right before I went out.
My friends and I were called the "Wolf Pack", but we didn't know that. We thought we were called the "A Team". We all did the above getting ready routine, except for the eyelash thing and the sit-ups (I was the only one willing to go the extra mile). We thought we were the shit and that everybody liked us. The reality was that we looked stupid wearing dresses in 10 degree weather, and most people didn't like us. That didn't matter to us, though, because we loved having fun and everything we did was fun. Everybody in their early 20's travel in packs 0f 12 friends, minimun. If you see an early 20 year old alone, they have clearly been separated by accident from their pack.
I would rather pull out all my eyelashes than talk to and/or be a round an early 20 year old. Their skin looks like a baby's bottom, and they are the size of a toothpick with boobs. They probably think cellulite is some type of vegetable. I will say that the things some of them are wearing these days would have made me look like an old maid. Stop wearing spandex as a dress and please cover your tutu. Other than that, I don't want to hang around them because I'm just jealous. They're in their prime, and they suck.
Mid 20's is really fun but in a different way. You have a new job, you're in the business world, and you're meeting older interesting people that talk about things other than getting drunk. My mid 20's were bitter sweet. I was young in the business world, and business people were extra nice to me. I now know why these business people were being so nice. They were waiting until they had me where they wanted me turn me into their bitch slave. It's like the Hansel and Gretal story about the witch luring them into the ginger bread house. I'm Gretal because she was the girl and the ginger bread house is the job market. The nice business people were the witches that were going to be eating me alive in the ginger bread house.
S0 I'm the new young inexperienced moron in the job world on one hand and on the other hand I was old compared to those stupid college students when I went to home football games. That's when I REALLY hated people in their early 20's. The great thing I started to figure out in my mid 20's was a sense of grounding. I started to realize what I wanted in different aspects of my life. I met Anal Adam, many new great friends, and focused on my career path. I still acted like an idiot in most of my daily and nightly activities, but I was still just young enough where it was kind of okay, but don't do it again. I'd say that after 25 or 26 "stuff" started to go downhill and fast.
I'm not even going to talk about late 20's because it all mixes in with 29. So I'm 29, cellulite has taken over my body, I have adult acne, and I can't eat if I want to lose weight. Working out doesn't do what it once did to my body. I used to work out and lose weight. Now I work out and have to ice down every joint on my body. I fell the other day while running, and I have no explanation for it. Just tripped and fell on the busiest street in Jackson in front of 5 o'clock traffic. I've spent most of my income on facial products to get rid of this new adult acne. I have wrinkles and probably grey hair (I wouldn't know because I also pay to get my hair colored) due to my highly stressful job. I love my job, but it's my life. I get e-mails asking me if I received an e-mail that was sent right after a phone call that said I would be receiving an e-mail. Not only do I get ma'amed all the time, but I now expect it. I've been hearing the ticking of the infamous "biological clock". I thought that was a lie some woman came up with to get her husband to start having kids. According to people who like to throw out their unwanted opinions, it's hard to have kids at my late 29 age and I should stop doing anything fun if I plan on trying. I, then, look at them and say "Well I guess it wasn't meant to be."
I'm not going to lie, so far 29 has sucked! I'm the oldest of the 20 year olds, and I'm going broke trying to look like I'm still in my 20's. I can't wait to be 30 because I'll be the youngest of the 30's. I feel as though I'll even look younger since I'll be the youngest of an age group. I will say that I love where I am. I've got Anal Adam, 3 dogs, and the best friends who are always up for drinking some wine!
Let's start at the beginning, and then you'll see where I'm coming from when I end at 29. The beginning of your 20's are awesome to say the least. You are carefree, wrinkle free, and cellulite free. Notice how everything ends in free. A hard day for me would be trying to figure out how I was going fit in a 2 hour workout, make it to the tanning bed, and get ready in less than 3 hours in time to go out at 10 PM. The following are some of the lengths I would go to to get ready. After applying mascara, I would separate each eyelash with a straight pin. The makeup had to be perfect or it would be reapplied. I only wore short skirts and dresses. The weren't skanky, but they were absurd to wear during the winter when I continued to wear them. Also, I would do sit-ups right before I went out.
My friends and I were called the "Wolf Pack", but we didn't know that. We thought we were called the "A Team". We all did the above getting ready routine, except for the eyelash thing and the sit-ups (I was the only one willing to go the extra mile). We thought we were the shit and that everybody liked us. The reality was that we looked stupid wearing dresses in 10 degree weather, and most people didn't like us. That didn't matter to us, though, because we loved having fun and everything we did was fun. Everybody in their early 20's travel in packs 0f 12 friends, minimun. If you see an early 20 year old alone, they have clearly been separated by accident from their pack.
I would rather pull out all my eyelashes than talk to and/or be a round an early 20 year old. Their skin looks like a baby's bottom, and they are the size of a toothpick with boobs. They probably think cellulite is some type of vegetable. I will say that the things some of them are wearing these days would have made me look like an old maid. Stop wearing spandex as a dress and please cover your tutu. Other than that, I don't want to hang around them because I'm just jealous. They're in their prime, and they suck.
Mid 20's is really fun but in a different way. You have a new job, you're in the business world, and you're meeting older interesting people that talk about things other than getting drunk. My mid 20's were bitter sweet. I was young in the business world, and business people were extra nice to me. I now know why these business people were being so nice. They were waiting until they had me where they wanted me turn me into their bitch slave. It's like the Hansel and Gretal story about the witch luring them into the ginger bread house. I'm Gretal because she was the girl and the ginger bread house is the job market. The nice business people were the witches that were going to be eating me alive in the ginger bread house.
S0 I'm the new young inexperienced moron in the job world on one hand and on the other hand I was old compared to those stupid college students when I went to home football games. That's when I REALLY hated people in their early 20's. The great thing I started to figure out in my mid 20's was a sense of grounding. I started to realize what I wanted in different aspects of my life. I met Anal Adam, many new great friends, and focused on my career path. I still acted like an idiot in most of my daily and nightly activities, but I was still just young enough where it was kind of okay, but don't do it again. I'd say that after 25 or 26 "stuff" started to go downhill and fast.
I'm not even going to talk about late 20's because it all mixes in with 29. So I'm 29, cellulite has taken over my body, I have adult acne, and I can't eat if I want to lose weight. Working out doesn't do what it once did to my body. I used to work out and lose weight. Now I work out and have to ice down every joint on my body. I fell the other day while running, and I have no explanation for it. Just tripped and fell on the busiest street in Jackson in front of 5 o'clock traffic. I've spent most of my income on facial products to get rid of this new adult acne. I have wrinkles and probably grey hair (I wouldn't know because I also pay to get my hair colored) due to my highly stressful job. I love my job, but it's my life. I get e-mails asking me if I received an e-mail that was sent right after a phone call that said I would be receiving an e-mail. Not only do I get ma'amed all the time, but I now expect it. I've been hearing the ticking of the infamous "biological clock". I thought that was a lie some woman came up with to get her husband to start having kids. According to people who like to throw out their unwanted opinions, it's hard to have kids at my late 29 age and I should stop doing anything fun if I plan on trying. I, then, look at them and say "Well I guess it wasn't meant to be."
I'm not going to lie, so far 29 has sucked! I'm the oldest of the 20 year olds, and I'm going broke trying to look like I'm still in my 20's. I can't wait to be 30 because I'll be the youngest of the 30's. I feel as though I'll even look younger since I'll be the youngest of an age group. I will say that I love where I am. I've got Anal Adam, 3 dogs, and the best friends who are always up for drinking some wine!
Monday, August 22, 2011
Some People Suck, But Don't Mean Too
You know how people are rude or bitchy, and you just write them off and/or talk about them to your friends. I did the same thing, but these terrible people end up doing something nice to me. I, then, have to go back to my friends, retract all of my statements, and tell them that that old butthead person and I are now friends. Over time, I've come to realize that some people suck, but don't mean too. These people are all around us, and usually they are the one's we don't like immediately. I actually have thousands I've encountered over my lifetime. You don't have to be looking for them to find them, either. They are all around us acting like buttheads to us each and every day. I feel as though each one has a category too.
We have the "I don't mean to be rude, but" ones. FYI, non rude people don't start sentences with "I don't mean to be rude, but". If you have said this you probably suck, but don't mean too. I know you think you're not being rude by addressing the fact that your not trying to be rude, BUT the person your saying this to has already had a small internal panick attack. I know this because this phrase has been stated to me several times, and each time I experience heart palpatations. Not really sure why people even bother to excuse the fact that they are about to make you feel like a complete idiot. I'd rather someone say how they feel it and be totally rude quick and fast, like ripping off a bandaid. No need for the whole politically correct beginning phrase because what comes next is the meat and potatoes part thats really SUCKS! This category of people is usually bosses or people that you're doing jobs for, so just be cautious.
Next we have the people that you speak to, and they either do a face gesture or pretend as though they didn't even hear you. This category of folks really gets to me. I'm a huge "Hey, how are you?", and I usually get the Smirk Smilers. Smirk Smilers will range from people who are really shy to those who hate that you're alive. They suck, but don't mean too. I hate when I realize the person is just shy, because I've gone the whole day with mixed emotions about the person. I'll go from "This person doesn't like me, WHY!" to "This person is a total butthead and is so miserable and that they want to make everyone miserable". Later on the former Smirk Smiler will turn into my bestfriend's aunt's cousin, and we'll be best friends by the end of the day. The other Smile Smirkers that wish you weren't alive have decided your presence makes their life miserable, and it's most likely because you have more friends than they do. You see how Smirk Smilers can become exhausting. I've decided the people that blatantly ignore your presence did not have a proper kindergarten teacher to discipline them. My kindergarten teacher put me in the corner and gave me tickets every time I was rude and ignored my fellow students and teachers. I was grounded most of 1986. These poor people have sucked, but don't mean too since they were 5.
Last, but not least, are the evil Poker Face Friends. I can spot the Poker Face Friends from a mile away, so I don't have trouble with this group. However, individuals in this group are very difficult to decipher. You tell them everything about you, and they tell you the highlights of themselves. After they have gotten some of your secrets out of you, don't worry it happens to the best of us, they change the facts in their head, and they tell the new Poker Face Friend version to the entire public. The reason these people suck, but don't mean too is because their loved ones have not put them in a mental facility yet. I hate this category of people! My former Poker Face Friends have gone after my and my friends' ex-boyfriends (girl code!) and have spread Poke Face Friend lies about my friends. I don't think so!! The main thing is that these people need help, and it is our responsibility to not beat their face in but find them help.
There are those in life that just suck. If you do run across these people that suck, you should always take the high road. The high road being tell all your friends and their friends about this awful person and try to get them not to like this person either. First and foremost, make sure they suck, but don't mean too.
We have the "I don't mean to be rude, but" ones. FYI, non rude people don't start sentences with "I don't mean to be rude, but". If you have said this you probably suck, but don't mean too. I know you think you're not being rude by addressing the fact that your not trying to be rude, BUT the person your saying this to has already had a small internal panick attack. I know this because this phrase has been stated to me several times, and each time I experience heart palpatations. Not really sure why people even bother to excuse the fact that they are about to make you feel like a complete idiot. I'd rather someone say how they feel it and be totally rude quick and fast, like ripping off a bandaid. No need for the whole politically correct beginning phrase because what comes next is the meat and potatoes part thats really SUCKS! This category of people is usually bosses or people that you're doing jobs for, so just be cautious.
Next we have the people that you speak to, and they either do a face gesture or pretend as though they didn't even hear you. This category of folks really gets to me. I'm a huge "Hey, how are you?", and I usually get the Smirk Smilers. Smirk Smilers will range from people who are really shy to those who hate that you're alive. They suck, but don't mean too. I hate when I realize the person is just shy, because I've gone the whole day with mixed emotions about the person. I'll go from "This person doesn't like me, WHY!" to "This person is a total butthead and is so miserable and that they want to make everyone miserable". Later on the former Smirk Smiler will turn into my bestfriend's aunt's cousin, and we'll be best friends by the end of the day. The other Smile Smirkers that wish you weren't alive have decided your presence makes their life miserable, and it's most likely because you have more friends than they do. You see how Smirk Smilers can become exhausting. I've decided the people that blatantly ignore your presence did not have a proper kindergarten teacher to discipline them. My kindergarten teacher put me in the corner and gave me tickets every time I was rude and ignored my fellow students and teachers. I was grounded most of 1986. These poor people have sucked, but don't mean too since they were 5.
Last, but not least, are the evil Poker Face Friends. I can spot the Poker Face Friends from a mile away, so I don't have trouble with this group. However, individuals in this group are very difficult to decipher. You tell them everything about you, and they tell you the highlights of themselves. After they have gotten some of your secrets out of you, don't worry it happens to the best of us, they change the facts in their head, and they tell the new Poker Face Friend version to the entire public. The reason these people suck, but don't mean too is because their loved ones have not put them in a mental facility yet. I hate this category of people! My former Poker Face Friends have gone after my and my friends' ex-boyfriends (girl code!) and have spread Poke Face Friend lies about my friends. I don't think so!! The main thing is that these people need help, and it is our responsibility to not beat their face in but find them help.
There are those in life that just suck. If you do run across these people that suck, you should always take the high road. The high road being tell all your friends and their friends about this awful person and try to get them not to like this person either. First and foremost, make sure they suck, but don't mean too.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
I've Had It
Me trying to explain married men and married life is very confusing. People tell me every day that they don't understand what I'm saying. It's not because I don't speak English, it's because I don't know how to talk. Anal Adam feels he needs to speak for me because he feels no one understands what I'm trying to say, typical. Don't think that I discuss my anger with him in private. I'm that individual who fights with her husband in public places and embarrassing not only myself but all those around me. I hope to one day to grow up.
There is nothing exciting about a now 29-year-old living in Jackson, or is there? I've met many new friends during the course of time, 6 years, living in Jackson, MS, and several of them have asked the same question, "Does this happen to you often". YES it does!! Even though I have an anxiety issue, I still somehow maintain some form of sanity despite the complex occurences that happen to me in my life.
I'm so lucky with the friends I have, and, not to sound cocky, the amount of friends I have. One of my friends witnessed me getting shot at by a paint ball gun right by where my husband lived. It was so ridiculous! The 5ft woman officer arrived 45 minutes after I was shot at, and she wrote the report on her hand. The officer was Jackson Police Department, so I was shocked anyone even showed up. She said she would call me if they found the suspects, and I had to tell her she needed my number as she was leaving. Really?? No wonder we're like top 3 in murder per capita. The people protecting us are morons!!
My neighbor had a break-in in his outside shed, and another neighbor had someone steal their dog. What has the world come to?? Someone's dog?? The officer came to my house, and she told me to be proactive and get chains for my fence, shed, and porch. I looked straight at her and said, "What are you going to do?" Bless her, I had to ask twice before she understood what I was asking. She got pissed at me, probably because she had to actually work. She said that she was doing all she could by asking the victims to basically turn our houses into Alcatraz so these idiots couldn't steal our stuff. A friend of mine's house was continually getting broken in to. I think we should handle things like 3rd world countrys, and the criminals here should be thrown in a hole and never thought of again. I don't give a damn if anyone gets pissed at my opinion, because the only people against that idea are the ones who just hear about crime on TV.
I've about had it with criminals. They'll never read this because most of them don't have access to a computer, unless they stole it, and even then they don't know how to use it. I have a feeling that if any of my family or friends were violated, I would become one of those masked heros that beats the hell out of bad people during the night. I mean if you're rude to one of my friends, I'm not afraid to chew your butt out right then and there. I'm kind of a bad ass, in my own mind though.
Once this homeless man was trying to get into one of my friends cars while she was in there. I was armed with 2 TCBYs in each hand, and I started to yell at the schizophrenic possibly armed homeless man to step away from my friend's vehicle. Instead of killing me, he yells, "Screw you, I love Jesus". Maybe I am an intimidating 5'2 blonde woman ready to rid Jackson of crime. I accept the challenge, because, quite frankly, I've had it. If JPD wants to sit on their ass, then I'm just going to "self-defense" the hell out of myself. And if you see a masked creature in the night, run like hell because it's a bad guy and nobody going to do a damn thing about catching him/her!
If anyone's reading this and wants to become a superhero or at least an advocate for getting people off their ass and doing their job please let me know. I'm willing to kick some ass!
There is nothing exciting about a now 29-year-old living in Jackson, or is there? I've met many new friends during the course of time, 6 years, living in Jackson, MS, and several of them have asked the same question, "Does this happen to you often". YES it does!! Even though I have an anxiety issue, I still somehow maintain some form of sanity despite the complex occurences that happen to me in my life.
I'm so lucky with the friends I have, and, not to sound cocky, the amount of friends I have. One of my friends witnessed me getting shot at by a paint ball gun right by where my husband lived. It was so ridiculous! The 5ft woman officer arrived 45 minutes after I was shot at, and she wrote the report on her hand. The officer was Jackson Police Department, so I was shocked anyone even showed up. She said she would call me if they found the suspects, and I had to tell her she needed my number as she was leaving. Really?? No wonder we're like top 3 in murder per capita. The people protecting us are morons!!
My neighbor had a break-in in his outside shed, and another neighbor had someone steal their dog. What has the world come to?? Someone's dog?? The officer came to my house, and she told me to be proactive and get chains for my fence, shed, and porch. I looked straight at her and said, "What are you going to do?" Bless her, I had to ask twice before she understood what I was asking. She got pissed at me, probably because she had to actually work. She said that she was doing all she could by asking the victims to basically turn our houses into Alcatraz so these idiots couldn't steal our stuff. A friend of mine's house was continually getting broken in to. I think we should handle things like 3rd world countrys, and the criminals here should be thrown in a hole and never thought of again. I don't give a damn if anyone gets pissed at my opinion, because the only people against that idea are the ones who just hear about crime on TV.
I've about had it with criminals. They'll never read this because most of them don't have access to a computer, unless they stole it, and even then they don't know how to use it. I have a feeling that if any of my family or friends were violated, I would become one of those masked heros that beats the hell out of bad people during the night. I mean if you're rude to one of my friends, I'm not afraid to chew your butt out right then and there. I'm kind of a bad ass, in my own mind though.
Once this homeless man was trying to get into one of my friends cars while she was in there. I was armed with 2 TCBYs in each hand, and I started to yell at the schizophrenic possibly armed homeless man to step away from my friend's vehicle. Instead of killing me, he yells, "Screw you, I love Jesus". Maybe I am an intimidating 5'2 blonde woman ready to rid Jackson of crime. I accept the challenge, because, quite frankly, I've had it. If JPD wants to sit on their ass, then I'm just going to "self-defense" the hell out of myself. And if you see a masked creature in the night, run like hell because it's a bad guy and nobody going to do a damn thing about catching him/her!
If anyone's reading this and wants to become a superhero or at least an advocate for getting people off their ass and doing their job please let me know. I'm willing to kick some ass!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Married Men
The guys in highschool are more or likely sweet and doting. The southern gentlemen in them open the door, pay for the meal, and get you home at a decent hour. They love everything about you, until they realize that another girl might be interested in them. You then see them fading away and realize you don't have them in the palm of your hand anymore. You've been replaced by a new model, and you now look like an idiot. The late bloomers do the above first couple of steps, and then they, also. find a different model. It happens in college, too, but, sadly, it's simultaneously while you're dating them. Some women will continue to date them. I was one of those idiots. We're stupid and aren't taking the hints. As I was one of those idiots, I hope it's not hereditary. The previous mentioned men are now some of our husbands. A few things have changed, though. The sexy, hard to get men are living in our house, peeing on our toilet seats, bugging the hell out of us every chance they get, and, in some extreme cases, telling us women are hitting on them. I remember when Anal Adam and I were dating, and I would make sure every eyelash was separated evenly, my clothes showed just enough skin, and I had worked out so hard that week for the perfect body I almost got a heat stroke. Anal Adam broke up with me after 4 months of dating, and I worked out the next few weeks and starved myself so he would think I was irresistable the next time he saw me. He wouldn't be able to say no to my woman charm. We got back together, but it wasn't over a mature dinner but a night at the club. Believe it or not, Anal Adam got scared, dumped me, and NONE of it had to do with my looks. My husband was once considered a player. I didn't know that then, and I sure as hell wouldn't know that now. After about 2 years of marriage, I find myself hiding from him for some flippin privacy. I remember working out for hours a day to make him think I'm hot, and I've locked my amazing sex pot out of the guest bedroom so I could lay on the bed without being bothered. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but Anal Adam will make me explain exactly what he did that made me mad. This causes me to go into a fit of rage, and I try all I can not to kill him with the closest hard object next to me. If I don't put my dishes in the dishwater within 24 hours, Anal Adam puts my unclean dishes on my desk in my office. The man definitely didn't do that shit while we were dating! So while some men love to act like their wives are hard core making them do all theses things they don't want to do, it's complete bullcrap. Men are smart, REAL smart. They have used us as escape plans. Anal Adam uses me as an escape plan every time someone asks him to do something. I've the witch of the Northeast J town because of his ass! Anal Adam goes to bed at 8 pm every night, puts anything I own thats out (stapler included) in my purse, and he thinks I'm hot when I have no makeup on and gross. Where was this information while I was at the gym all week buying skimpy clothes to make him want me?? So women, men don't care what we look like, always, and they sure as hell don't care what we wear. We've got to quit focusing on thinking about what they want because they're stupid. They want us, sans our crazy tendencies. We chose to marry the players, the nice guys, and the free spirits and the only way it will last is if they except us for who we are and vice versa. Happy hunting!!
What Month Is It?
So recently I've been trying extra hard to be positively positive, and I've about had it. This month I have been in Memphis every week, and one week I was in training in Indianapolis. Indianapolis is a place where I would die happy if I never had to go back. The people there don't have friends. The city has individuals, I call Onesies, running around scaring the shit out of other people. My friend BB and I were walking to Forever 21 and we were almost attacked by a couple of Onesies. The Onesies need to go to a local fast food, clothing, or Goodwill store and get a damn job!!! BB had to show me that one Onesy wasn't pregnant needing money, she just shoved a bunch of crap up her shirt. What a slut!! I totally fell for it!
While we were at training, we did go home and study every night. I tried to, but people peer pressured me to go out. The last night we went to eat at this awesome restaurant. Some chose to go home and get ready for our presentation the next day. Some chose a different path that led to bowling with alcohol and karaoke with alcohol. You can only guess where I was peer pressured into going.
Let me just say that I hope my bowling skills never indicate how I will succeed in life. I bowled a 27 TOTAL my first round. If you don't know anything about bowling, people who miss thier turn several times do better than that. WTF!! I will say I think I may have redeemed myself at karaoke. I sang "F* You" by Cee Lo the first song, and the crowd went wild. The second song I got cocky (alcohol induced), and I sang "Can Anybody Find Me Somebody to Love" by Queen. Not really sure why I continued. Could I just have been the one hit wonder? Lesson learned: stop while ahead.
So I'm back home, and I'm drinking wine watching "Predator 2". Life really doesn't get much better than this. When I get done with my job, I like to ache from laying around too much. I think most people feel that way but are afraid to admit it. I, also, think I tell myself that because I am one of the laziest people on the planet. Positive Point: tomorrow is Friday, laying on my couch is at my fingertips!
While we were at training, we did go home and study every night. I tried to, but people peer pressured me to go out. The last night we went to eat at this awesome restaurant. Some chose to go home and get ready for our presentation the next day. Some chose a different path that led to bowling with alcohol and karaoke with alcohol. You can only guess where I was peer pressured into going.
Let me just say that I hope my bowling skills never indicate how I will succeed in life. I bowled a 27 TOTAL my first round. If you don't know anything about bowling, people who miss thier turn several times do better than that. WTF!! I will say I think I may have redeemed myself at karaoke. I sang "F* You" by Cee Lo the first song, and the crowd went wild. The second song I got cocky (alcohol induced), and I sang "Can Anybody Find Me Somebody to Love" by Queen. Not really sure why I continued. Could I just have been the one hit wonder? Lesson learned: stop while ahead.
So I'm back home, and I'm drinking wine watching "Predator 2". Life really doesn't get much better than this. When I get done with my job, I like to ache from laying around too much. I think most people feel that way but are afraid to admit it. I, also, think I tell myself that because I am one of the laziest people on the planet. Positive Point: tomorrow is Friday, laying on my couch is at my fingertips!
Friday, February 18, 2011
A New World
So my blog actually had readers (my friends), and they wanted more stories. I just read over the stories I came up with and they were horrible. It was torture reading them. I know I could delete them, but I thought what the hell. I was trying to be funny when I realized that my friends don't laugh with me but at me. Bitches!
With my new job I call on Neuro, Orthopedic, and General surgeons. Once upon a time, I felt intimidated to speak to any physician, and I would repeat my pitch over and over in my head before speaking. I still do that, but what I practice in my head never comes out. Southerners have a talent of cussing. Those who act like they don't are full of it and have fits in the closet. I'm a medical device sales rep. I'm not a biology major, a medical student, and most of all I'm not a doctor. The training I went to was not equivalent of medical school or any other schooling that would fool me into thinking I was equivalent to a physician. Some reps do think that, though. They think that their training class was equal to the first year of med school. Question: Then why the hell aren't you in med school. Some people really think the physicians see them as peers in the aspect of them practicing medicine. That makes me want to lay in the middle of the interstate. I'm doing my job when I know everything about my product, where to treat, and where not to treat in certain surgeries. Other than that, I'm selling women's clothes on the weekend enjoying my BA in Business.
So every day I'm around these guys who were cheated out of a medical career in some form or fashion. I don't see myself as one of those sales reps. I see myself as one of those sales reps that holds up the walls, is a fly on the wall, gives moral support, whatever to ensure I don't get yelled at. The doctor doesn't ask me for a damn thing, and I prefer it that way. Some reps will know I'm new and come up to me and regurgitate a bunch of shit they've learned in training and over the years to sound smart. Some will just treat me like I'm a sales rep, like I'm normal! It's actually funny to run across arrogant sales reps who are in the same industry as you. Have you ever been to McDonald's and seen one of the cashiers be arrogant to the guy operating the cashier station next to them? Hell no!!! It's the same damn thing! What a complete waste of energy! I bet in a bar fight as those arrogant asses are sent to the ER, they will make a ton of money from the doctors having to use their products to put them back together.
As a woman in this career, I'm over the ego and the misconception that reps are supposed to know as much as the doctor. If you ever have surgery, you might have sales reps in the OR but I promise we dont' touch anything. The physician who studied medicine for 40 years and performed surgery on thousands of patients is in charge of you. A sales rep holds up the wall and makes sure their devices are used correctly. We're not as cool as we think we are!!!
With my new job I call on Neuro, Orthopedic, and General surgeons. Once upon a time, I felt intimidated to speak to any physician, and I would repeat my pitch over and over in my head before speaking. I still do that, but what I practice in my head never comes out. Southerners have a talent of cussing. Those who act like they don't are full of it and have fits in the closet. I'm a medical device sales rep. I'm not a biology major, a medical student, and most of all I'm not a doctor. The training I went to was not equivalent of medical school or any other schooling that would fool me into thinking I was equivalent to a physician. Some reps do think that, though. They think that their training class was equal to the first year of med school. Question: Then why the hell aren't you in med school. Some people really think the physicians see them as peers in the aspect of them practicing medicine. That makes me want to lay in the middle of the interstate. I'm doing my job when I know everything about my product, where to treat, and where not to treat in certain surgeries. Other than that, I'm selling women's clothes on the weekend enjoying my BA in Business.
So every day I'm around these guys who were cheated out of a medical career in some form or fashion. I don't see myself as one of those sales reps. I see myself as one of those sales reps that holds up the walls, is a fly on the wall, gives moral support, whatever to ensure I don't get yelled at. The doctor doesn't ask me for a damn thing, and I prefer it that way. Some reps will know I'm new and come up to me and regurgitate a bunch of shit they've learned in training and over the years to sound smart. Some will just treat me like I'm a sales rep, like I'm normal! It's actually funny to run across arrogant sales reps who are in the same industry as you. Have you ever been to McDonald's and seen one of the cashiers be arrogant to the guy operating the cashier station next to them? Hell no!!! It's the same damn thing! What a complete waste of energy! I bet in a bar fight as those arrogant asses are sent to the ER, they will make a ton of money from the doctors having to use their products to put them back together.
As a woman in this career, I'm over the ego and the misconception that reps are supposed to know as much as the doctor. If you ever have surgery, you might have sales reps in the OR but I promise we dont' touch anything. The physician who studied medicine for 40 years and performed surgery on thousands of patients is in charge of you. A sales rep holds up the wall and makes sure their devices are used correctly. We're not as cool as we think we are!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
