June is going to be awesome!!

So, this month has started off to a great start. I have a job, a few dogs, and a cool circle of friends. My key to life is circling myself around a bunch of funny people. So far I bet you have already had a bad day or some type of annoying occurences that have happened all day long!! Seriously, with out delay call your funniest friend. You're entire day will be lifted. The thing that we don't realize is, is that we have no control over about 90% of the crap that happens to us in life. What are you gonna do?? Complain?? That does great! Either you complain to a person who is miserable that day as well or you talk to a brick wall. Your friends, including myself, don't want to hear you complain about your day. More than likely, we think we've had a worse day than you or we've had a good day and we'd rather you talk to the next in line.

I just wanted you to know that before you started feeling sorry for yourself. I swear there is nothing worse than someone feeling sorry for themselves!! I grew up trying to impress my dad my whole life and it never worked. I played softball, basketball, cheerleaded, and ran in track. I played on a slow pitch league one time, and I was the youngest on the team. I was surrounded by girls that could thump my ass into a coma, but I knew I was better than them. I was playing the best game of my life, and I remember one of the little puny little boyfriends of my competitors thought I was "sweet". My friend told him I was very sweet but he thought I was REAL sweet as in into other girls. What horseshit!! I was the smallest and youngest on the team and I was donned the lesbian player. I wish I was, but instead I was dating this amazing guy who cheated on me throughout the tri-state area.

I dated the hottest guy on the planet. Lets call him Anti-Christ. AC loved me for the first 7 months we dated, and then all of a sudden started cheating on me. What I don't understand is what type of pheromones I was giving off?? I thought my scents clearly read be with me, but AC read them as be fruitful with many many many other women. Of course I stayed with him, because none of his straying was his fault. He was hypnotized by these women, and I had to help him get back to his normal self.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you're the only one rooting for your man, and all you your friends have left the premises? At first, you feel like you finally convinced the idiots how great your man is. Fortunately, after a long time, dumbasses (like myself) somehow get reminded of who we are and the dipshits we've chosen over friends and family. When I woke up from my nightmare, I was never the same person again.

I went to public school in south Mississippi, which some ignorant journalist would say was racist and full of illiterate hopeless children with no hope for a future. My highschool is the alma mater to engineers, lawyers, NASA rocket scientists, and surgical device sales reps (ME!!). I'm lucky to have been associated with such an amazing group of individuals. I left that school headed out to be the best neurologist/cardiologist the world's ever seen. Unfortunately, this long time goal subsided to that of my social career. I was quickly accepted in the social life of Ole Miss especially with several of my favorite fraternities.

I can't go into my college life because I must maintain my identity as the, what's the word, sophisticated Positively Positive person. I will say that after ALOT of trial and errors I met a man that would actually marry me.

We will call him Anal Adam. I love love love Anal Adam, but his name is an indication of his personaliity. I've been married for a year, and it was awesome. Sure I cried and threw a hissy fit a couple times a month and ran into the guest bedroom. Doesn't everyone?? No and they don't talk about it!! If you tell people that, especially you're family, you need to go to counseling. I don't cook, I need to go to counseling. I want to be alone sometimes, I need to go to counseling. Who is the asshole who made the guidelines for counseling??? Apparently they were counseling during their first year if marriage! My husband is my rock because he knew he married a "diamond in the ruff" but that's not entirely true. I'm more of a 8th world wonder not documented.

I graduated college knowing that the job offers would come flooding throught. Little did I know, those butthead professors were only talking to the people who studied and had no life/really smart people that sucked (who I became partners with). I was headed out for the world and somehow ended up at my parents house. I had a temporary job for over a year at a lawfirm while trying to get into pharmaceutical sales. Didn't get into pharmaceutical sales but I did land my first sales job.

I sold office furniture. My first day started the day Hurricane Katrina hit. I had the week off which with my new fling (my little Anal Adam) was a big fun fest. The next week was the end of my fun fest. Have you ever worked at a family owned place?? It's comparable to working at a war zone. You don't know who to trust. The people are good people one on one certain days, BUT you don't have a clue who's side their on that day or who to run from. My only solace was working out which Anal Adam loved. Little did he know my secret I was hiding from him was my ability to be the laziest human alive. I didn't know myself until later in life.

My parents divorced when I was 24. Awesome age! My more mature sister was in New Zealand, and I had to deal with the lunatics on my own. My dad and mom were alcoholics, but I grew up with that. In college, I looked down upon my friend's parents who didn't drink. I realized they weren't going to work it out, and my mom went to a hidden cabin in "Eden" and my dad stayed at the house. My dad and I never had a good relationship because he never went to the doctor to get diagnosed with "Assholism". I was the one there for everyone, and I sucked at it. The worst day in my life was realizing that my parents were human. I mean my dad would try to talk to me about problems to my mom. Really?? You're a grown ass man, and I'm the most ridiculous person on the planet. You would be a lot better off talking to a 7-year-old.

My parents were married for 28 years and divorced. My dad's happily re-married and my moms dating someone. The weirdness never goes away, but life does go on. I must admit I feel sorry for myself sometimes, but I'm so fortunate to have people in my life who don't want to hear my shit. I can't feel sorry for myself because everyday something else really really stupid goes on in my life, and I've decided to start recording it. God made me and my family special, and I mean REAL special and who am I to hide the most ridiculous things in life from random people who want to be entertained.

Stay tuned for stuff I left off. It's way in the morning, and you haven't heard the half of it.