No Babies Right Now, Thank You.

I'm new to the world of blogging, obviously. To be honest, I made fun of my best friend for having a blog. I asked her who cares about what she's doing every day. She has two kids and tends to them ALL DAY LONG!!! These two little amazing creatures are something to write about, though. My supermom friend is so hilarious that I would actually like to hear how she does it. When I say supermom I mean as in the 1950's when the mother did all the work and made it look effortless.

I babysat for her one night, and I had to ask her 3-year-old what to do with the 8-month-old. I bathed the 2 together (I had to ask the 3-year-old if that was ok because she is a girl and the baby is a boy and not everyone knows the rules), fed them, played with them, and then put them to bed. As soon as supermom came home, I made her stay up and drink with me for several hours. I might just have a nanny move in and take care of me and my kids.

As soon as my husband (Anal Adam) and I said I do, people started coming up to us asking us when we were going to have kids. I took a big swig of my drink and proudly said, "Not for a long ass time". When people keep asking you, though, you start to think you want to start to have them sooner rather then later. I started telling people dates when we would start trying, but I didn't tell Anal Adam about it. Women are so excited when you give them a time frame, men get pissed and feel they need to sweep in and help their friend from making such a bad decision. Little does everyone know, I just threw a date out there so people would leave me alone!! I already feel my life is restricted by my dog. I can't have a baby right now! I'm way too selfish! Also, I will not be doing the whole pregnancy thing on my own. My other good friend and I made a pact to get pregnant together. We decided it would better for everyone if we could complain to each other about not being able to drink and the other insane things your body goes through during pregnancy.

Anal Adam and I went to visit friends and their precious toddler the other day. There were several couples there I went to college with, and they all had their babies. Anal Adam had been drinking a little bit that day and when he realized HIS friend left he became panicked by the sight of all the babies. It was like he was surrounded my poisonous snakes. I was holding the babies, and he was like "we gotta go now". I realized, then, my husband is a freak and I'm the only grown-up in the relationship.

I had a conversation with my husband today that confirmed that I was the smart one in the relationship. We don't have babies, yet we fight about where the nursery is going. As of now we have 3 rooms; a master, a guest, and an office (yes, a damn office). I asked Anal Adam where his mom was going to sleep and he said, "She'd be more than happy to sleep on the couch". Really you mindless moron??? His mother is the saint of God and we're going to put her on the couch. What an idiot!! As God is my witness, the guest bedroom stays!

I'm not having babies right now and everyone should praise Jesus. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!