The Black Cloud

I never realized that the word "never" really does affect my life. I said I'd never work at a law office again. I did. I said I would never date a lawyer or anyone who wants to become one. I married one. I said I would never get up to a certain weight. Been there, past that!! How about I'll never have my own island in the Caribbean or I'll never be the richest person in the world?? My Never Fairy must have selective hearing. I've said that and many other great things like that, and they really NEVER happened. Oh and my Guardian Angel is a whole other story. I have to give it to her, she does have a tough job with me but after all this time she should know to never take her eyes off me!

Basically I'm a Black Cloud. It has been very hard for Anal Adam to deal with the Black Cloud, but he does the best he can. Same goes to my Guardian Angel, but you can never take your eyes off the Black Cloud or "It" will happen. "It" can be anywhere from me jumping off a float and spraining my ankle at the beginning of the St. Paddy's Day parade to having a wreck in my best friend's car by running into the back of the Mayor of I'm not going to tell you who's SUV. It really depends on how well things are going in my life as to when "It" will happen. For instance, I recently had a wreck out of town while working in my car. Anal Adam and I were supposed to be taking my car later on that day out of town on vacation. I ran into the back of a car in a town 2 and a half hours away from home, and home was 4 hours away from our vacation. "It" happened. My Guardian Angel helped me not get hurt, but she didn't leave any money for the damages! These 2 girls got out of the car that looked like they had just got their permits, but they were freshmen in college. Little did I know, I was in a college town. Perfect! She was turning into her sister's house, who lived with what seemed like 8 other girls, and I didn't know the car in front of me would be turning while I wasn't paying attention. My phone stopped working as soon as I hit the car, I wouldn't have expected anything less. The girl's entourage was outside, the parent's came, and there I was carless, cellphoneless, and entourageless. I started crying, I think because I felt like such a dumb ass. To add insult to injury I had to use the other girl's phone to call Anal Adam, that was a great conversation, and call to get a new car and all the other elements that come with being the moron that causes a wreck. The car rental company didn't have any cars except for a Dodge Ram double cab that had just drove in. I thought "Awesome!" I'm going to have 2 wrecks today.

Anal Adam and I took the Ram to the beach. We were scheduled to leave at 8am, but I'm not easy to get into the car so it was now more like 8:30. We get in the truck ready to leave, and as soon as we turned the key we hear "clickclickclick". The car was dead, and I started dying out laughing. Whatrugonnado??

I ended up having to buy a new phone. Apparently, the antenna was knocked out, and my insurance for a replacement was more than a new phone when all was said and done. Oh, and the plug-in to my new phone isn't the same as the other so I had to buy a new car charger. Of course it's not the same!!!! The new car I'm in is smaller, and I get a little car sick in it and I think it may have caused me to have a neck injury. Other than that, I love it!!

Everyone must always be aware of the Black Cloud because it's basically capable of anything. I spill drinks weekly especially if I'm at anyone elses house, and I always break things at my mom or dad's house. Other than that, I'm good. As for the Never Fairy, I will never not have another wreck out of town!