It's been a minute since I've gotten on this thing. I really enjoyed writing all my problems out, and I didn't want to let my six followers down by just completely quitting. Anal Adam always asked how I passed 1st grade English after reading my posts, so he's part of the reason I've let y'all all down. There have been quite a few things that have happened in the past six years.
So I started nursing school, and it didn't take very long to hate that decision and everyone who took part in suggesting and encouraging me to do it. People dropped out of it the first day. I had one guy ask me if I was going to do the mandatory homework assignment of reading 4 chapters and answering the 78 questions after each chapter. He dropped out 4 days later, but only because it took him 3 days figure out how to drop it. I called the 1950s Supermom, who is a nurse, and let her have it. Why doesn't anyone tell those thinking of going to nursing school to turn back because it's Hell on Earth?? I truly believe Dante would have put it as one of his Inferno's of Hell had it been around during those days.
Moving on. After second semester, where I passed by the skin on my teeth, I found out I was pregnant. Nope we weren't trying. We were going to do in vitro when I graduated a year later. I go into 3rd semester of nursing school which is supposedly the hardest 60lbs heavier with child. Ironically, third semester is when nursing school teaches you about Family Health/Babies/The Birthing Process. I was 16 months pregnant having to watch a birthing video of women who refused modern medicine to have their baby naturally. I started crying when those women were screaming and moaning during what seemed to be weeks of labor, and they finally pushed those babies out of what once was a vagina. If that wasn't traumatic enough, I found out I had gestational diabetes while we were learning about gestational diabetes. Most of those lectures were your basic doomsday worst case scenario "if you have gestational diabetes you and the baby will probably die". By the grace of God, Baby Girl and I passed 3rd semester without dying from a heart attack.
I sat out 4th semester to be with Baby Girl. Another thing people fail to mention about life stuff is the newborn stage. I'm actually thankful for this stage because I met my psychiatrist who I'll call Phil, realized I will NOT be a stay at home mother, and found the true meaning of sleep deprivation. I love Baby Girl with all my heart and soul, but I counted the seconds down until I got to go back to nursing school.
4th semester of nursing school is super fast, especially when you get pregnant again and you have a 7 month old. The phone call to Anal Adam was a bit different with Baby Boy than it was with Baby Girl. There were a lot of "nos", "how", and "it's not funny anymore". Did he think I wanted to be pregnant starting school with a new baby? We had just got through high fiving each other on keeping Baby girl alive for 7 whole months. I love how people try to point blame in the whole pregnancy thing. We both know how it happens, we were both there willingly during the process, now shut up and enjoy this happy blessing we have together, again.
I somehow graduated nursing school, somehow passed the NCLEX, and somehow started working on a pediatric med/surg floor. I was a 7 months pregnant new nurse. I found out I had gestational diabetes which I assumed was probably just a continuation from my previous not too long ago pregnancy. My poor preceptors. Floor nursing is rough. It's rewarding and amazing, but it's some of the hardest work I've ever done. I was the worst orientee the hospital had ever seen. I had no idea I was supposed to follow my preceptor everywhere she went, but somehow I'm the only orientee that didn't know that. It took me an hour to get from the nurses station to my patient's room due to my massive weight gain that was completely looked down upon by my OB. After an extended orientation period requested by my coworkers, I finally made it out. Two days later I went on maternity leave.
After 8 week shots, Baby Boy was in the daycare and I was back at work. It was awful. They had to reorient me yet again. The nurse educator, who is an angel on Earth, gave me the "help me help you" talk. I consulted Phil, and he decided to test me for ADHD. Somehow I "passed"the test, and I'm quite sure I'm the only person who's ever "passed" that test. Phil and 1950s Supermom gave me some helpful tools to try, like take your medicine and do better than you're doing now. Thank Heavens I finally went from the worst nurse in history to "getting it".
I finally got a very small handle on my floor nursing skills, when I was recruited to PACU. I had no idea what it was, and I sure didn't know it was in the same building where I worked. I wasn't seeing my small angels for 5 days in a row, and this girl told me a schedule where I could see them every day. I googled PACU, went on the interview, and got the job.
It took a while and several visits to the "principal's" office, but I finally kind of figured out what I was doing. I'm a pediatric recovery nurse. I'm basically amazing. I work with the most amazing people and I see some of the most amazing things. I'm PRN at 2 places and I'm making it rain. Anal Adam says that I am far from a cash cow, but he's an idiot.
Like I said, a lot has happened in the past six years. Even though I've added a lot of grown up responsibilities to my plate, I'm still the same ridiculous hot mess I've always been but with offspring. Baby Girl and Baby Boy are a lot like me, and they're fabulous!! Anal Adam always says "less McMurray more Masley". I always say "you signed up for this ride now sit back and enjoy it!"
Sunday, March 24, 2019
Friday, April 26, 2013
You Think You've Got Problems?
I have had what one would call a hell of a time in almost every thing I have tried to do. I worked so hard at trying to do things right, but unfortunately I have terrible luck and I'm a huge clutz (it causes lots of problems). Last year was a doozy for this girl. I was laid off by 3 jobs last year. How is that even possible? I was diagnosed with "unexplained infertility" which I felt was just plain lazy. The doctor put me on Femara, and I looked like I could have been a linebacker for the Saints because of the amount of weight I gained. Not to mention the acne, and the weird color my skin turned. My middle child/dog died while I was at my Godson's 3rd birthday in another city. I definitely did the "why me" cry which really doesn't do anything for anyone. I soon after found out I have cysts in my eyes after a routine eye check up, and I had to see a very expensive retina specialist where I was the youngest person there by 50 years. I had to test my eyes on a grid every morning, and I have to go to this damn specialist every 6 months to a year from now on. I mean I didn't even know there was such a thing as a retina specialist. Needless to say I said goodbye to last year in a fabulous dress, and hello to this year with high hopes.
I decided that since I couldn't keep a stupid job I should try nursing. I've always wanted to be a healthcare professional, but I thought I missed my chance in life. I enrolled to take my prerequisites which were the 8 week track of Human A&P I and II with lab and Sociology. Of course I was scared about going back to school and studying. I didn't even study my first time in college. The first part of the 8 week A&P course I had a 102 average, and I had a 95 average in Sociology. In addition to being a genius, I was playing tennis and exercising, eating right, and losing weight. It was fabulous! I, however, got cocky while basking in my greatness and ended up having a huge cooking accident. I was making gourmet Ramen noodles, and I may have put too much water in the pot which ended up boiling over. Instead of doing the intelligent thing like turning the stove off, I picked the pot up and got boiling hot water on over 20% of my upper body. I had to have surgery and wear pig skin on my chest and cadaver skin on my arms. I wore a mummy suit and received sponge baths from my mom and my sister. While being sexy and burnt up, I was prescribed to an antibiotic which caused me to have depression for 3 days. The nurse practitioner didn't believe my symptoms or what I was saying and blamed it on the trauma of my burn. Every time I would take that pill I would start wailing crying wondering what my meaning of life was, and this woman tried to tell me that it was in my head. I finished out A&P I, and decided I was going to be a nurse practitioner no matter what because as soon as I get my license I'm going after that woman at the burn center.
Now I'm steadily healing and I'm in A&P II. I just learned about the endocrine system, and I thought a lot of the symptoms about the thyroid especially hypothyroidism seemed very familiar. I called my infertility specialist, and I asked what my thyroid levels were because I needed to see an endocrinologist. Come to find out, I'd never had my thyroid checked. I'd asked my nurse to check my thyroid for years, and she said I was fine like I wanted to take the test for shits and giggles. Of course I had hypothyroidism, and of course I found out while I was waiting on my check-up at the burn specialist. While I was scheduling my endocrinologist appointment my retina specialist called to schedule my retina check-up. Anal Adam has been great through all of this, though. He's always caring about my insurance and how I'm going to pay for it, you know the important stuff. I remind him that I'm fine, and I should be okay. To his defense, I do have a specialist for almost every organ in my body. He recently signed me up for life insurance, and it took 45 minutes to go through 10 questions. We had to stop on IBS and other stomach problems (I had gastritis in college), anxiety issues (which was like an entire medical write up), thyroid problems (recently diagnosed with hypothyroidism), vision problems (cysts in my eyes), recent and past surgeries, endometriosis, fertility issues (is that necessary?), urinary problems (cyst removal on my urethra where I had to wear a catheter for 2 damn weeks), and the burn stuff not including the diagnoses and the doctors who treated me for each problem. Stephen just sat there rubbing his head like he was the one with the problems. I was like, "Are you okay, pumpkin?" Poor thing, it's got to be hard on him having a wife with all these illnesses and specialists. I honestly don't know how he does it. I bet he put DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) on my form.
I'm almost done with my prerequisites, and I start nursing in the Fall. I don't know what the hell I'm thinking, but each time I go to the doctor I get motivated to keep in school because I've had it with the people trying to help me. Another motivating factor is that I'm on Anal Adams tab, and he clearly doesn't understand the necessity and importance of clothes, shoes, and/or purses. Although I've had all these life experiences occur, I really have gotten stronger. Pissed, but stronger. We need help in our healthcare in MS, and I've decided it's me who is going to be the one to help change it. I'm going to be like the healthcare superhero one day that hopefully makes tons of money, but until then I'll be at my house or school studying in my out of style clothes.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Unpredictable
The thing about life is that it's unpredictable. I haven't written in my blog for some time because I've been busy with life. I started this damn thing so I could have a means to document my life, and I've neglected my journal so to speak. All I want to do is make people laugh. My dad and mom are so good at that. As I've gotten older, though, I've realized different things are entertaining to different ages.
When I was in college I thought I was hilarious because I did the dumbest things when I was "overserved". Overserved is a single word even though spell correct refuses to recognize it. Same goes to tipsy. When I would get overserved in college it was fine because I was an infant and there were several other infants my age who were doing the same thing. I still get overserved, but it's not funny at all. I go into hiding, and Anal Adam freezes my funds. Although I don't have a job or kids, I blame it on stress.
When I was in my 20's, I got the great job, landed the dream guy, and I tried really hard to do everything I planned in my head. I'm not saying it was perfect, but, in my head, it looked so good. It was my Pinterest category Home Ideas. It's Pinterests fault for my high expectations. I picked out doors from ruins in Paris. Needless to say, none of my plans came to fruition.
I had everything I thought I wanted. I spent every dime I made and then some (is $35 really necessary for each overdraft charge??). Anal Adam insisted I contribute money to the "family fund", and I always told him I was going to do it next month. He never understood that I needed a new dress for the different functions each month, which dipped into my "family fund" contribution. Now that I have no job and a function comes up, guess who is reminded she never contributed to the "family fund" as she wears the same dress over and over. It's my scarlet letter.
I still find happiness in the small things in life. Such as if I watch The Goonies or Willow I know I'll have a good night's sleep. If I read Autocorrect.com, I know I'll be in the best mood for an entire day. I still like to stick to what I know, but I'm starting to get the courage to leap for things I thought were out of my reach. As I've gotten older, I've tried to eat less, exercise more, and embrace self help books (especially 50 Shades of Grey).
I've learned so much about myself in the past year it makes me nervous. I'm a crier, gross. I understand politics, damn it. I'm going to try to start a new career, bipolar disorder. I have horrible taste in home decor, I'm not as lazy as I thought, I'm funnier when I'm not trying so hard, I have adult acne which I constantly pick at, I'm an opinionated bitch, and I'm Republican. My utmost favorite thing to do is record my husband when he's sleep walking and/or talking because it's the funniest thing I've ever seen.
When I decide something in my life, I still ask the opinions of my friends and family. I thought I would have more things figured out now, but everything is more jumbled than ever. My fairy tale life I had planned is made of dust, and my reality is very hard to swallow. Yet, I find humor in every day life. I had a good day today and called my best friend to tell her. I told 1950's Super Mom that I was having a great day, and she told me, "I'm so happy! Everyday is a great day because you're so great!". Damn 1950's Super Mom always knows how to keep this buttercup up.
The constant in my life has always been God and my faith. God has brought me so far, and most of the time I think about what I've lost this year. I'm not a victim of the tragedies of life but a survivor. My life is blessed with a loving husband, family, and boat load of friends. The last thing I should be doing at the beginning of my 30's is moping around depressed about what I don't have. The next time my not so close friends see me they'll be wondering why Jessica Biel Timberlake? is in town (me duh).
When I was in college I thought I was hilarious because I did the dumbest things when I was "overserved". Overserved is a single word even though spell correct refuses to recognize it. Same goes to tipsy. When I would get overserved in college it was fine because I was an infant and there were several other infants my age who were doing the same thing. I still get overserved, but it's not funny at all. I go into hiding, and Anal Adam freezes my funds. Although I don't have a job or kids, I blame it on stress.
When I was in my 20's, I got the great job, landed the dream guy, and I tried really hard to do everything I planned in my head. I'm not saying it was perfect, but, in my head, it looked so good. It was my Pinterest category Home Ideas. It's Pinterests fault for my high expectations. I picked out doors from ruins in Paris. Needless to say, none of my plans came to fruition.
I had everything I thought I wanted. I spent every dime I made and then some (is $35 really necessary for each overdraft charge??). Anal Adam insisted I contribute money to the "family fund", and I always told him I was going to do it next month. He never understood that I needed a new dress for the different functions each month, which dipped into my "family fund" contribution. Now that I have no job and a function comes up, guess who is reminded she never contributed to the "family fund" as she wears the same dress over and over. It's my scarlet letter.
I still find happiness in the small things in life. Such as if I watch The Goonies or Willow I know I'll have a good night's sleep. If I read Autocorrect.com, I know I'll be in the best mood for an entire day. I still like to stick to what I know, but I'm starting to get the courage to leap for things I thought were out of my reach. As I've gotten older, I've tried to eat less, exercise more, and embrace self help books (especially 50 Shades of Grey).
I've learned so much about myself in the past year it makes me nervous. I'm a crier, gross. I understand politics, damn it. I'm going to try to start a new career, bipolar disorder. I have horrible taste in home decor, I'm not as lazy as I thought, I'm funnier when I'm not trying so hard, I have adult acne which I constantly pick at, I'm an opinionated bitch, and I'm Republican. My utmost favorite thing to do is record my husband when he's sleep walking and/or talking because it's the funniest thing I've ever seen.
When I decide something in my life, I still ask the opinions of my friends and family. I thought I would have more things figured out now, but everything is more jumbled than ever. My fairy tale life I had planned is made of dust, and my reality is very hard to swallow. Yet, I find humor in every day life. I had a good day today and called my best friend to tell her. I told 1950's Super Mom that I was having a great day, and she told me, "I'm so happy! Everyday is a great day because you're so great!". Damn 1950's Super Mom always knows how to keep this buttercup up.
The constant in my life has always been God and my faith. God has brought me so far, and most of the time I think about what I've lost this year. I'm not a victim of the tragedies of life but a survivor. My life is blessed with a loving husband, family, and boat load of friends. The last thing I should be doing at the beginning of my 30's is moping around depressed about what I don't have. The next time my not so close friends see me they'll be wondering why Jessica Biel Timberlake? is in town (me duh).
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
30 and Wise Beyond My Years
I've recently started a new decade in my life, literally. I'm 30 which means I'm now a grown up. My sweet husband, sister, and mom threw me a surprise party and so many of my sweet family and friends came. We had so much fun and partied all night. I woke up the next day and had a hang over for the next two days. Happy 30th!!
A lot of things are happening thus far in my 30s. Some things happened this year while I was 29, but that was typical because the whole year of being 29 sucked. I was the oldest 20 year old, and I was a bridesmaid in 2 weddings which I had to wear dresses that made me look like a linebacker. Losing weight at 29 was hard because I loved wine and refused to give it up. I also tried the whole time I was 29 to get pregnant with no success, probably because of the wine, and I was laid off from my job. I started drinking more after that as well. When people say they love getting older they mean every age except 29.
Now that I'm 30, my life has changed. My mom got married, I have a larger family, and I don't care as much that I'm larger than I was in my early 20s. I'm wise now. I know things. I know that although I'm unemployed, I'm still cool. I'm poor, but I don't care. I have so much time now to think about what I'm going to do next. So far I've pondered being a writer, a business owner, a fitness instructor, a consultant of something, an aesthetician, and a nurse. I've stuck to sales rep, but I know I'm not limited because I'm 30 and distinguished in my own mind.
I have realized that many things I did when I was 20 are no longe acceptable. It's taken me 2 months but I feel I'm already growing. I don't drink as much every night and I don't cuss as much around older people and children. I'm not saying it's been easy, but it's been something I've really needed to do. I've cut down on a lot of my whining, and I actually get up to get my own beverages instead of getting Anal Adam to do it. This is a huge accomplishment, and nobody has really given me the positive reinforcement I deserve.
I look back at a lot of the stupid shit I did when I was in my 20s, and I only want to take back the ones that literally make my stomach hurt when I think back on them. I really did love my 20s, but it's time to move on. I've made a promise to myself to never do things to my body or face that make me look like The Joker in the name of youth. It wasn't a very hard thing to promise myself. I did accidentally get Botox between my eyes on an impulse buy the day of my birthday. It was on sale! I do a lot of impulse buying when I'm having a pity party for myself, but I'm always able to take the purchase back. You can't take Botox back though. It's really the doctor's fault for being so damn hot.
These women who are holding on for dear life to look younger are really starting to lose the battle of elasticity. I've seen woman who look more and more surprised each time I see them. I've also seen women who I wonder what their real face used to look like. My moms a hot bitch and she hasn't done anything. Now because of my Botox stunt, it's probably going to wear off, and I'm going to look pissed off until it goes on sale again and I have to get it reinjected. I guess you still make dumb choices when your in your 30s. Maybe I'll start getting things right in my 40s.
A lot of things are happening thus far in my 30s. Some things happened this year while I was 29, but that was typical because the whole year of being 29 sucked. I was the oldest 20 year old, and I was a bridesmaid in 2 weddings which I had to wear dresses that made me look like a linebacker. Losing weight at 29 was hard because I loved wine and refused to give it up. I also tried the whole time I was 29 to get pregnant with no success, probably because of the wine, and I was laid off from my job. I started drinking more after that as well. When people say they love getting older they mean every age except 29.
Now that I'm 30, my life has changed. My mom got married, I have a larger family, and I don't care as much that I'm larger than I was in my early 20s. I'm wise now. I know things. I know that although I'm unemployed, I'm still cool. I'm poor, but I don't care. I have so much time now to think about what I'm going to do next. So far I've pondered being a writer, a business owner, a fitness instructor, a consultant of something, an aesthetician, and a nurse. I've stuck to sales rep, but I know I'm not limited because I'm 30 and distinguished in my own mind.
I have realized that many things I did when I was 20 are no longe acceptable. It's taken me 2 months but I feel I'm already growing. I don't drink as much every night and I don't cuss as much around older people and children. I'm not saying it's been easy, but it's been something I've really needed to do. I've cut down on a lot of my whining, and I actually get up to get my own beverages instead of getting Anal Adam to do it. This is a huge accomplishment, and nobody has really given me the positive reinforcement I deserve.
I look back at a lot of the stupid shit I did when I was in my 20s, and I only want to take back the ones that literally make my stomach hurt when I think back on them. I really did love my 20s, but it's time to move on. I've made a promise to myself to never do things to my body or face that make me look like The Joker in the name of youth. It wasn't a very hard thing to promise myself. I did accidentally get Botox between my eyes on an impulse buy the day of my birthday. It was on sale! I do a lot of impulse buying when I'm having a pity party for myself, but I'm always able to take the purchase back. You can't take Botox back though. It's really the doctor's fault for being so damn hot.
These women who are holding on for dear life to look younger are really starting to lose the battle of elasticity. I've seen woman who look more and more surprised each time I see them. I've also seen women who I wonder what their real face used to look like. My moms a hot bitch and she hasn't done anything. Now because of my Botox stunt, it's probably going to wear off, and I'm going to look pissed off until it goes on sale again and I have to get it reinjected. I guess you still make dumb choices when your in your 30s. Maybe I'll start getting things right in my 40s.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
My Best Friends Forever
In junior high, highschool, college, and later life I've had the most amazing group of friends that have come into my life. They have been amazing and have been there for me through the good times and the bad. With that said, some of the times when we've been together we've created some of the bad. Most of them.
Where I'm from, all ages hung out with all ages. At the time it seemed cool, but now I look back and some of those people were robbing the cradle. I grew up with the Brookwood Bunch. Everybody wanted to hang with us. I was cool by association. I lived in the Cove, but that was still in the neighborhood so I was good. The Brookwood Bunch lived in a country club neighborhood south of Jackson, and it was fabulous. All growing up we would take our parents' golf carts at age 10 or younger and take turns ordering food on each others parent's tab depending on who got in trouble last. Boys loved us (my friends) and girls wanted to be our friends (even mine!). After 8th grade I got boobs, a new hair do, put make-up on, and met Anti Christ. I didn't get to have as much fun in high school after him because he was evil.
So in highschool I was kind of a nerd/athlete/cool person. I had my honor class friends, my athlete friends, and my "Morgan just do it" friends. The "Morgan just do it" friends were 1950's Super Mom, K, J, and sometimes M Jane. We decided to name ourselves US 5, and I'm so goobed out when I think back on it. J, M Jane, and I played sports together. At one point, we all quit the basketball team at the same time because our coach had gone bat shit crazy. J was good friends with the bat shit crazy coach and was giving her a heart felt speech on why she was quitting. While she was doing that, I was in the hallway screaming the Spanish alphabet because I had a test the next period. I had to go in after J, and the coach said that this was all my fault and she didn't care if I quit because I talk too much anyway. I didn't realize J and the bat shit crazy coach heard me screaming "AH, BEH, CE" and so on during the talk. No wonder she hated me.
1950's Super Mom, K, and J got me into a lot of trouble in school. Those 3 got away with murder, and I got in trouble for taking too long to go to the bathroom. The worst was when I cut class when there was a substitute for the hardest, meanest teacher in school to go hang out with them in a class where the teacher was on methamphetamine. I walked in the class after lunch and hung out with them in the classroom like I belonged there. It took the meth teacher 20 minutes to figure out I wasn't supposed to be there, and she went into a meth rage. We tried to convince her that I'd been in her class all year long, but she found out we were lying. The meth teacher told my hardest, meanest teacher what I did, and the hardest, meanest teacher called me and told me to apologize to the meth teacher. Why?? She's on METH! Anyway, 1950's Super Mom, K, and J said they would get her a card and a present. I handed the meth teacher her present and card and thought I was done with it. The next Monday morning of school, the hardest, meanest teacher opened the gates of hell on my ass. Apparently my stupid ass friends bought a naked plastic blonde haired doll as the present and a card that said "The only thing I don't miss about you is your terrible morning breath." The hardest, meanest teacher came up with homework and homework passes that I couldn't have, book reports and book report passes I couldn't have, and a trip to the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta I couldn't attend. This was all anounced after she made me sit in the back of the room, and I had to stay there the remainder of the year. Needless to say, the 3 of them didn't have anything happen to them. Typical.
My college friends and I were known as "The A Team" or "The Cult" to some people, but most people referred to us as "The Wolf Pack". We weren't aware of "The Wolf Pack" label until after college. All we did was have a good time and date a few guys. Why do people have to hate?? "The A Team" as I would like to think of us consisted of 12 girls that hardly ever left each others sides. Most of the time we traveled in packs of 3. It's just how we worked. We were there for each other, no matter how crazy the other one would be. Here are the names of the famous "A Team": LM-most beautiful girl you'll ever see. She was shy around those who didn't know her and funny as hell around her true friends. When LM was single for a hot minute, one of our friends went ape shit because the guy the she was obsessed with was nuts about LM. What do you say?? I'm sorry I'm hotter than you? I wouldn't know. EB-she was the grandma who would go out big one night but went to bed at 8:00pm every other night of the week. She was the comic relief and wouldn't let anybody get us down. Manic-she was the one that was way up or would get after your ass for giving her a bad look. One of the funniest and most fun girls you'll ever meet. Ramona-she was the rational one that would tell you what you need to hear no matter how bad you didn't want to hear it. She was one of the leaders that would take anyone down that messed with us. Bonkey-she was the fun one who was always up for a good time. She would always know what was going on and made sure we were there. Kel Bel-she never really got into much trouble with us, but when we did we laughed about it amongst ourselves. She took me to Knoxville a few times when visiting her now husband. Enough said. Dirty Mexican-she was a hot mess and we were scared what she was going to do next. She, also, is one of the funniest people I know and is my cousin's cousin. On her birthday she fell out of her window on the second story of her house. The only thing that broke her fall was the awning above the door. Me-well I'd like to think I was perfect and great, and I made everyone happy all the time. I'm leaving off a few people, because they probably don't want me to mention them. If you're reading this you probably know who they are.
My late in life friends are my "grown up" friends. No more keg parties (without a kegerator), party punch surprise, or food with carbs. My serious conversations consist of job stress, weight gain, and fertility. I still get to hear about boy troubles, but it's not as fun because we're married to them. We don't chase them now, we run from them.
There are so many stories with these amazing friends of mine that I'll share sporadically throughout my blog, but for now they are safe. These women have helped me grow through all my many stages of life. My friends are my lifeline, and I will always be there for them whenever they need me. Also, I am going to stop judging people when I first meet them. This is an ongoing task that I'm sure I will complete within my 30s.
Where I'm from, all ages hung out with all ages. At the time it seemed cool, but now I look back and some of those people were robbing the cradle. I grew up with the Brookwood Bunch. Everybody wanted to hang with us. I was cool by association. I lived in the Cove, but that was still in the neighborhood so I was good. The Brookwood Bunch lived in a country club neighborhood south of Jackson, and it was fabulous. All growing up we would take our parents' golf carts at age 10 or younger and take turns ordering food on each others parent's tab depending on who got in trouble last. Boys loved us (my friends) and girls wanted to be our friends (even mine!). After 8th grade I got boobs, a new hair do, put make-up on, and met Anti Christ. I didn't get to have as much fun in high school after him because he was evil.
So in highschool I was kind of a nerd/athlete/cool person. I had my honor class friends, my athlete friends, and my "Morgan just do it" friends. The "Morgan just do it" friends were 1950's Super Mom, K, J, and sometimes M Jane. We decided to name ourselves US 5, and I'm so goobed out when I think back on it. J, M Jane, and I played sports together. At one point, we all quit the basketball team at the same time because our coach had gone bat shit crazy. J was good friends with the bat shit crazy coach and was giving her a heart felt speech on why she was quitting. While she was doing that, I was in the hallway screaming the Spanish alphabet because I had a test the next period. I had to go in after J, and the coach said that this was all my fault and she didn't care if I quit because I talk too much anyway. I didn't realize J and the bat shit crazy coach heard me screaming "AH, BEH, CE" and so on during the talk. No wonder she hated me.
1950's Super Mom, K, and J got me into a lot of trouble in school. Those 3 got away with murder, and I got in trouble for taking too long to go to the bathroom. The worst was when I cut class when there was a substitute for the hardest, meanest teacher in school to go hang out with them in a class where the teacher was on methamphetamine. I walked in the class after lunch and hung out with them in the classroom like I belonged there. It took the meth teacher 20 minutes to figure out I wasn't supposed to be there, and she went into a meth rage. We tried to convince her that I'd been in her class all year long, but she found out we were lying. The meth teacher told my hardest, meanest teacher what I did, and the hardest, meanest teacher called me and told me to apologize to the meth teacher. Why?? She's on METH! Anyway, 1950's Super Mom, K, and J said they would get her a card and a present. I handed the meth teacher her present and card and thought I was done with it. The next Monday morning of school, the hardest, meanest teacher opened the gates of hell on my ass. Apparently my stupid ass friends bought a naked plastic blonde haired doll as the present and a card that said "The only thing I don't miss about you is your terrible morning breath." The hardest, meanest teacher came up with homework and homework passes that I couldn't have, book reports and book report passes I couldn't have, and a trip to the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta I couldn't attend. This was all anounced after she made me sit in the back of the room, and I had to stay there the remainder of the year. Needless to say, the 3 of them didn't have anything happen to them. Typical.
My college friends and I were known as "The A Team" or "The Cult" to some people, but most people referred to us as "The Wolf Pack". We weren't aware of "The Wolf Pack" label until after college. All we did was have a good time and date a few guys. Why do people have to hate?? "The A Team" as I would like to think of us consisted of 12 girls that hardly ever left each others sides. Most of the time we traveled in packs of 3. It's just how we worked. We were there for each other, no matter how crazy the other one would be. Here are the names of the famous "A Team": LM-most beautiful girl you'll ever see. She was shy around those who didn't know her and funny as hell around her true friends. When LM was single for a hot minute, one of our friends went ape shit because the guy the she was obsessed with was nuts about LM. What do you say?? I'm sorry I'm hotter than you? I wouldn't know. EB-she was the grandma who would go out big one night but went to bed at 8:00pm every other night of the week. She was the comic relief and wouldn't let anybody get us down. Manic-she was the one that was way up or would get after your ass for giving her a bad look. One of the funniest and most fun girls you'll ever meet. Ramona-she was the rational one that would tell you what you need to hear no matter how bad you didn't want to hear it. She was one of the leaders that would take anyone down that messed with us. Bonkey-she was the fun one who was always up for a good time. She would always know what was going on and made sure we were there. Kel Bel-she never really got into much trouble with us, but when we did we laughed about it amongst ourselves. She took me to Knoxville a few times when visiting her now husband. Enough said. Dirty Mexican-she was a hot mess and we were scared what she was going to do next. She, also, is one of the funniest people I know and is my cousin's cousin. On her birthday she fell out of her window on the second story of her house. The only thing that broke her fall was the awning above the door. Me-well I'd like to think I was perfect and great, and I made everyone happy all the time. I'm leaving off a few people, because they probably don't want me to mention them. If you're reading this you probably know who they are.
My late in life friends are my "grown up" friends. No more keg parties (without a kegerator), party punch surprise, or food with carbs. My serious conversations consist of job stress, weight gain, and fertility. I still get to hear about boy troubles, but it's not as fun because we're married to them. We don't chase them now, we run from them.
There are so many stories with these amazing friends of mine that I'll share sporadically throughout my blog, but for now they are safe. These women have helped me grow through all my many stages of life. My friends are my lifeline, and I will always be there for them whenever they need me. Also, I am going to stop judging people when I first meet them. This is an ongoing task that I'm sure I will complete within my 30s.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Anal Adam
Ok so my husband has a couple of sides to him such as Hornet Head and Bunny, but his most famous side is Anal Adam. The older he gets, the worse it gets. Anal Adam is an attorney, need I say more. We recently went out to eat to a lovely dinner at a very nice steak house. Before we left he said that I'm not getting a dessert or an appetizer because we'll have so much food and it's too expensive and our bill can go up real quickly. These are my restrictions before we get in the car.
The whole way there he asks me why I'm going that way, do I know how much the speed limit is, how fast am I going, and reminded about the dessert/appetizer agreement. It wasn't an agreement at all, by the way! When we got there he pulled my chair out for me (Bunny), and started to ask me what I wanted to eat. When he asks me a question its an interrogation. I told him I was thinking the lamb or the calf, and he said asked me why. After many questions that obviously didn't justify either to be my meal, he told me to just get the steak. When the waitress came back, I was so mad I asked her what her favorite appetizer was, what was the best seller between lamb and calf and why, what she though about the fish of the day, and to bring the dessert menu when we're done.
After that, we started talking about future places to live. He preceeded to tell me that he found this beautiful home on 16 acres in the middle of nowhere. I listened to him tell me about this house, and I told him it sounds awesome. I did, however, bring up the fact that we will be raising kids at our future home and for him to also consider a home in a neighborhood. You would have thought I told him one of our dogs died. That's when both Hornet Head and Anal Adam emerged. He accused me of not wanting to live in a house on land where he had always dreamed, and he didn't understand why I didn't want to live at this house that was just an idea .5 seconds ago. He then interrogated me saying that if I want him to keep his mind open about a neighborhood home that means I'm against us living at this house or any other house on land. He then said, "So what you're saying is is that you don't want to live in a house on land like we always wanted , you only want to live in a house in a neighborhood where we're going to have to get rid of the dogs??" I literally felt two horns pop through my head. I may have raised my voice at him a little and I may have said a few 4 letter words in response to his extremely stupid comment. I really can't say because all I remember was seeing red.
The ladies behind us kind of got quieter, and they started to eavesdrop. So rude! I'm trying to have a quiet fight in the middle of a nice restaurant with my husband, and these women are listening in on us. I would never think of doing something like that. Stephen and I ended up resolving the issue because he forgot who was dealing with. We ended the night flirting at the bar and kissing in front of people. We're not going back to that restaurant again.
This is what Anal Adam, Hornet Head, and Bunny do to me, and I love them more and more every day. He's nuts, but he does cook, clean, and put up with me. I must say that I wake up each morning wondering what that little maniac will do next because he always manages to spice up my life in some way or another.
The whole way there he asks me why I'm going that way, do I know how much the speed limit is, how fast am I going, and reminded about the dessert/appetizer agreement. It wasn't an agreement at all, by the way! When we got there he pulled my chair out for me (Bunny), and started to ask me what I wanted to eat. When he asks me a question its an interrogation. I told him I was thinking the lamb or the calf, and he said asked me why. After many questions that obviously didn't justify either to be my meal, he told me to just get the steak. When the waitress came back, I was so mad I asked her what her favorite appetizer was, what was the best seller between lamb and calf and why, what she though about the fish of the day, and to bring the dessert menu when we're done.
After that, we started talking about future places to live. He preceeded to tell me that he found this beautiful home on 16 acres in the middle of nowhere. I listened to him tell me about this house, and I told him it sounds awesome. I did, however, bring up the fact that we will be raising kids at our future home and for him to also consider a home in a neighborhood. You would have thought I told him one of our dogs died. That's when both Hornet Head and Anal Adam emerged. He accused me of not wanting to live in a house on land where he had always dreamed, and he didn't understand why I didn't want to live at this house that was just an idea .5 seconds ago. He then interrogated me saying that if I want him to keep his mind open about a neighborhood home that means I'm against us living at this house or any other house on land. He then said, "So what you're saying is is that you don't want to live in a house on land like we always wanted , you only want to live in a house in a neighborhood where we're going to have to get rid of the dogs??" I literally felt two horns pop through my head. I may have raised my voice at him a little and I may have said a few 4 letter words in response to his extremely stupid comment. I really can't say because all I remember was seeing red.
The ladies behind us kind of got quieter, and they started to eavesdrop. So rude! I'm trying to have a quiet fight in the middle of a nice restaurant with my husband, and these women are listening in on us. I would never think of doing something like that. Stephen and I ended up resolving the issue because he forgot who was dealing with. We ended the night flirting at the bar and kissing in front of people. We're not going back to that restaurant again.
This is what Anal Adam, Hornet Head, and Bunny do to me, and I love them more and more every day. He's nuts, but he does cook, clean, and put up with me. I must say that I wake up each morning wondering what that little maniac will do next because he always manages to spice up my life in some way or another.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
My Night in Atlanta
I really don't know where to begin with my little story. First, the reason I went to Atlanta was to meet my new region I will be working in with my job. That's the only reason I went there, so I don't know why I said first. We had an amazing dinner, I stayed at a 5 star hotel, and went to the 5 star hotel bar and, oh, I met Vince Vaughn.
I was sitting with my co-worker, and I looked up and there before me was the 7ft best actor of all time. I stood up walked straight up to him, introduced myself, and tried to get Vince Vaughn to hang out with me. For some reason, he didn't want to. I pulled the "I'm a southern girl from Jackson, MS" card, and that didn't even work. I was so pissed that I then started to insult him to my other co-workers. This awesome actor shook my hand, said "hello, nice to meet" you, and couldn't have been nicer. I on the other hand was not. I said, "You know he's not THAT famous. I mean he hasn't even won an Oscar." Who am I?? The embarrassment train didn't stop there either.
My 2 co-workers and I were not leaving while Vince Vaughn was there, I don't even feel I can call him by his first name. At one point in the night, with some liquid encouragement, I went to Vince Vaughn's table, sat beside him, grabbed his face with BOTH hands, and said, "You know you're not as famous as you think you are". His friend, The Enforcer, grabbed my hand and tried to steer me away from Vince Vaughn because I, not only, grabbed his face but insulted him. My co-workers were laughing at me because they couldn't believe what they were seeing.
After the bar was closing, I decided to do a third try at hanging out with Vince Vaughn. I told him, "Vince, I'm from Jackson, MS and it's not everyday I come to Atlanta and hang out. Can't we all just hang out." Both my co-workers were laughing at me because they couldn't believe what they were seeing. It was also because they were so embarrassed, like I was when I woke up the next day. The coolest thing thats ever happened to me, and I made a total idiot out of myself.
If anyone knows Vince Vaughn, please tell him I apologize for being completely star struck and then insulting him because I was so upset he shut me down on hanging out with me. My other co-worker did hang out with him. He was acting way cooler than me/not like a psycho stalker. I did find out that they remembered my name because The Enforcer had to stay busy keeping me away from his friend and because Vince Vaughn has a phobia about people touching his face. Who wouldn't want a total stranger putting both their hands on their face at a bar???
So I do have some advice from my experience from meeting a super famous cool actor. Don't talk to them too much because they don't want to talk to you no matter where you are from. Don't go sit by them without them asking you. Don't touch their face and definitely don't insult them. If you follow my advice you will have a very pleasurable experience I think. I will probably be depressed about my encounter for the rest of January, and I will definitely be embarrassed everytime I see one of his awesome movies. If I ever see anyone famous again I am just going to my room because I've probably been black balled anyway.
I was sitting with my co-worker, and I looked up and there before me was the 7ft best actor of all time. I stood up walked straight up to him, introduced myself, and tried to get Vince Vaughn to hang out with me. For some reason, he didn't want to. I pulled the "I'm a southern girl from Jackson, MS" card, and that didn't even work. I was so pissed that I then started to insult him to my other co-workers. This awesome actor shook my hand, said "hello, nice to meet" you, and couldn't have been nicer. I on the other hand was not. I said, "You know he's not THAT famous. I mean he hasn't even won an Oscar." Who am I?? The embarrassment train didn't stop there either.
My 2 co-workers and I were not leaving while Vince Vaughn was there, I don't even feel I can call him by his first name. At one point in the night, with some liquid encouragement, I went to Vince Vaughn's table, sat beside him, grabbed his face with BOTH hands, and said, "You know you're not as famous as you think you are". His friend, The Enforcer, grabbed my hand and tried to steer me away from Vince Vaughn because I, not only, grabbed his face but insulted him. My co-workers were laughing at me because they couldn't believe what they were seeing.
After the bar was closing, I decided to do a third try at hanging out with Vince Vaughn. I told him, "Vince, I'm from Jackson, MS and it's not everyday I come to Atlanta and hang out. Can't we all just hang out." Both my co-workers were laughing at me because they couldn't believe what they were seeing. It was also because they were so embarrassed, like I was when I woke up the next day. The coolest thing thats ever happened to me, and I made a total idiot out of myself.
If anyone knows Vince Vaughn, please tell him I apologize for being completely star struck and then insulting him because I was so upset he shut me down on hanging out with me. My other co-worker did hang out with him. He was acting way cooler than me/not like a psycho stalker. I did find out that they remembered my name because The Enforcer had to stay busy keeping me away from his friend and because Vince Vaughn has a phobia about people touching his face. Who wouldn't want a total stranger putting both their hands on their face at a bar???
So I do have some advice from my experience from meeting a super famous cool actor. Don't talk to them too much because they don't want to talk to you no matter where you are from. Don't go sit by them without them asking you. Don't touch their face and definitely don't insult them. If you follow my advice you will have a very pleasurable experience I think. I will probably be depressed about my encounter for the rest of January, and I will definitely be embarrassed everytime I see one of his awesome movies. If I ever see anyone famous again I am just going to my room because I've probably been black balled anyway.
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